Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
