3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
