but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
