There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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