i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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