wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
