I just pynch a tree in the face
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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