Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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