bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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