I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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