I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
