Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
