i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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