i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
