So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
