I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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