woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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