we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
