So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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