return my video game
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
