I'm lost and stupid without you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
