Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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