I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
