a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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