Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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