I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I wear drunk well.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
