I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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