Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
