I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
