Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
