Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
