If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
