He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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