he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
false alarm, still single
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
