I just saw a hot homeless man
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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