So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
