I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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