I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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