Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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