And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Vodka?
Forever.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
