is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
