just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
