idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
