I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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