after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
