IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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