A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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