I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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