i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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