So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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