i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I love you. Go after that dick
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
