Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
