i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
