Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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