hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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