don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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