I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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