and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
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Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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